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Farewell Constance

by My Blue Hope

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1.
Smiles cease. We're seeing what we want to see, and needing what we want to need. its spinning in my head. But she smiles for everything that's done to me, for times of her indecency, for things we never said. and i go... Everything is wonderful Everything is beautiful Grasp light, and don't you ever let me go well did you ever care to know? as frightening as this seems Storm clouds. It's just another summer gale and im just a ship without a sail. Take water over me. Everything is wonderful Everything is beautiful Everything is wonderful as im drowning in this sea Everything is beautiful Everything but me
2.
Nada 03:16
the only one i couldnt know is just the one i need to faded with my childhood glow, its just the one i bleed to crash crash, a simple sound and you expect to lead too? for all the things that we have missed the mask i used to peer through for all the burdens ive been shown and all the bullshit i have known for all the thoughts im fearing as into the mirror im peering it doesnt matter much to me nothing nothing youre nothing to me clouds streak a painted sky, i touch the stars and burn through cursed, fall, and now i die about time that i loved you for all the burdens ive been shown and all the bullshit i have known now you know me inside just as i thought i would hide it doesnt matter much to me nothing nothing youre nothing to me nothing nothing nothing nothing
3.
Stillborn 03:55
I have no love to call my own and i am standing now unknown in my dreams im dying young stalling peace idle and dumb have i been dying since i was born? what is this cloud thats hanging over me? a quiet voice that whispers in my sleep the opportunist of my soul to keep she stands under darkened rays i feel the fury of her gaze she guides my hand to show the way along this wrist to end these days have i been dying since i was born? well find me guilty, erase all of me soothed by sounds of her sweet harmonies the siren song of stopping agony thats all there was not a word was said but i hear my angel call but she is predator instead have i been dying since i was born? im only standing till she sets me free unholy but shes all i need you cant sway me from this beast shes always on my mind shes always on my mind shes always on my mind shes always on my mind
4.
sleepless nights are you lying there alone? its better not to know i catch a glimpse, reflections of the one that i called love its funny how the ones that we keep so just wanna run i suppose its all ive done its all on me, im the reason theres noone so i peel, and shape, and fornicate to feel what has gone numb numb but im numb what would i do to make things new go back to meet you, and start again what would i do what would i do to make things new and start again what can i break? nothings healing on its own and i cut you to the bone time and time i told my killing kindness to hang on and find a light in the people who have learned but my mistake i just cant fake the times that ive been burned burned but i burn what would i do to make things new go back to meet you and start again what would i do what would i do to make things new and start again sleepless nights are you lying there alone? its better not to know
5.
you taste sweeter to me than anything should be and my obsession is your mystery and id throw it all away to have you just one day but my addiction is my misery and i wish you could know but my darker side i will not show and i wish you could see the kind of man i meant to be (in me) but the shadows remain
6.
step into winter, the sun isnt shining i dont think that it will for days well how can i smile when my deep denial is constantly consuming my brain well i swore that i loved and i held you above and everything was just as it seems but the crack that appeared had been buried for years awakening us out of our dreams i gave into questions without any answers too late to just state that im scarred so i choke and i feed on your chemical seeds to reel me back in from afar what to do? what to say? will we ever be ok? im still reeling from the tear in my heart as that sickly small spider spins to defy her how far we all fall from the start and as moments of weakness arise these times are defining our lives what could be wrong that feels so right? maybe ill wake up to find that im dreaming im hoping this more all the time but still you step through like quite often you do as the victim in all of your crimes my breath's growing colder an old dried up spirit is taking the place of my past and my youth that long died, i remember his cries as he says its all over too fast and as moments of weakness arise these times are defining our lives what could be wrong that feels so right? silence voices of reason i give in, give up, give out on you and all i am and all i hold with all my heart and all my soul i gave into dreams i wished were true still believing in life like i always do and for what? do you know? do you care? can you even tell? dont you see youre infecting resolve? i hope that you see just how much you mean today and tomorrow forever ill be just waiting on wings to save you from sorrow somewhere a spirit runs a glimpse of what i will become somewhere a spirit runs to turn me to smiles as addictions i lay to rest as addictions i lay to rest but you not you i just cant lay you to rest to turn me to smiles
7.
Hiraeth 04:25
empty pages lay before me a story told but never read a guiding light streched on forever is it a distant star, or gaslight on ahead in my heart i ring out hollow in my heart im never true cause theres this hole that ive stopped healing cause theres this hole thats shaped like you and on the way i step into the fire to see what ill inspire again but either way i wont survive this fire but rise to something higher on my way to you its what i do for you how many homes have i left to travel? how many times have i believed? how many threads have come unraveled as i search for things my eyes may never see? and on the way i step into the fire to see what ill inspire again and either way i wont survive this fire but rise to something higher on my way to you its what i do for you a hand to hold no ghost may be a vapor trail of apathy a fever dream or sucker love this welcome void my heart belongs to you my heart belongs to you and every step i take for you the shadows long i make for you from the depths of my desires for you to the greatness of your spires for you i cast my yawning gaze for you and fill my glamor days for you this sick without reprieve for you consoled by make believe for you
8.
frightened by the sound afraid of any condemnation from far beneath the ground home of our dark celebration we are surely ours and surely we are all forsaken forgotten by our gods as we all scream of our significance now but we are nothing now didnt want to see it all go down didnt want an angel like you found didnt want the glory of the round but i am grateful and we all surely go (if just to go) and we all sure know (if just to know) but we all surely fail and its our time to be borrowed scared of waking dawn cause in the night we found our favor never looking on the bitterness we learned to savor far from what is seen blinded to the visionaries entombed within a dream we all scream of our significance now but we are nothing now just smoke and mirrors give us back give us back we all saw the sun
9.
was it fate that stepped me out, or that stepped you in? i poured out like my faith and still you took my hand and i know im flawed so isnt it odd that i feel whole and we sit under the canopy and youre a magick that was needed in this place the stars alone could call you here to bring the radiance of your beauty to this place and i rest at ease well a Virgo knows (they say) the devil all too well for in the details lye all the facts that she could tell but still youre sweet and so complete a perfect soul and we sit under the canopy and youre a magick that was needed in this place the stars alone could call you here to bring the radiance of your beauty to this place and i rest at ease we sit under the canopy and youre a fire that i know will not go out and should we ever part our ways youll still be perfect, and of that i have no doubt as you radiate your magick you radiate youre magick you radiate your magick you radiate youre magick you radiate you
10.
By Inches 03:57
connections come into play clumsy fingers brighten the day distractions give our time expecting of thanks eyes on the prize, not watching the flanks reactions till fate comes softly with swords what was gentle amassing as hordes till blackened and taken away gone tomorrow my hearts built to filter the pain bare and witness malevolent strain fast forward the verdicts the same gone tomorrow and were all walking away unique and yet somehow the same we all take a number and wait for the fade we measure our time by the day we measure our value by pay i wonder will i make a change will someone remember my name? tired fences trap in the dawn dried out footprints muddy the lawn decisions look around for a reason to stay but lost and dried out are gone to decay forever im sick, and healing is fake every breath just another mistake for all the shit ive swallowed i still feel hollow i mourn the hearts yet to break and were all walking away unique and yet somehow the same we all take a number and wait for the fade we measure our time by the day we measure our value by pay i wonder will i make a change will someone remember my name? and who we are we keep it bottled who we are we keep it bottled who we are dont keep it bottled measure our time by the day measure our value by pay i wonder will i make a change will someone remember my name?
11.
Roaming 07:40
the grey and misty streets they welcome me with reverie so long been out of reach the forlorn loss and memories the sweet embrace of sleep the only arms that carry me....to you that face i cannot bare when i wake this year has been a life time for the sorrow i cant shake what do you want from me? was there a price that i could pay to make you see? what do you want from me? maybe love is not enough because its free........for you i know im just a man thats nothing in eternity so i drink and curse my hands for the sips that spill authority ideas all lost in thought beliefs are all for naught theyre all vain as my desires slip away.......away and im roaming all alone because to me youre still my home what do you want from me? was there a price that i could pay to make you see? what do you want from me? maybe love is not enough because its free i close my eyes and slip away another breath im forced to take exposed my heart, its all a waste what do you want from me? was there a price that i could pay to make you see? what do you want from me? maybe love is not enough because its free what do you want from me? did it ever mean a thing? did it ever mean a thing to you? what do you want from me? im exhausted, uninspired, and my heart still bares these scars and im so weak so what do you want fro me? what do you want from me? and im so damn tired and im so damn sick and im so damn tired and im so damn sick of it all......

credits

released August 10, 2022

All songs written by Aaron Lawrence
Produced by Mike Smith and Aaron Lawrence
Mixed and mastered by Mike Smith
Aaron Lawrence: vocals, guitar, keys, bass
Josh Kogas: drums
Seth Telles: bass
Mike Smith: samples, keys, vocals

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My Blue Hope Charlotte, North Carolina

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